Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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