It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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