I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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