Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
