She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
