Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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