She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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