i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
