I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
