Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
did i just pee glitter
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
