i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
