She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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