Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
