last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
