porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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