Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
