We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
