I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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