I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
