If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
