remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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