K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
