he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
