Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
