My hand turned me down
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
