i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
