i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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