dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
