He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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