You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It was like giving head to a cactus.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
