More tranny stories later!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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