You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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