He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
