he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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