i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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