when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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