her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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