You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hippo gnu deer
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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