Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
