I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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