corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
