There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
