I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
