Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
