Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
soo... how was my night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
