I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
