I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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