Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
