I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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