lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
