You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
